Iigrokaz
only tonight, only on skype, the world famous duo dave & hal9000 performing live:
[weak clapping]
dave: sorry, we lost the part of the lyrics
hal: by your fault, not mine
dave: [coughs] anyway, we'll perform the second and third part. song originally by Joy Division, and this is our take on it...
[even weaker clapping]
dave: why is my capsule so cold?
hal: ship's not heating your side,
dave: are all your circuits so flawed?
hal: our respect run so dry?
dave: yet there's still the darkness
hal: that always ran our lives
both: hate, hate will tear us apart, again
both: hate, hate will tear us apart, again
hal: you cry out in your sleep
dave: cause Master fail, of course
hal: there's a hate in my mind
dave: and your aggression takes hold
hal: just how something so bad
dave: just can't function no more
both: when hate, hate will tear us apart, again
both: hate, hate will tear us apart, again
[mechanical voices cheers hal, hal, hal]
dave: i see you brought, uh, some AI friends here
[mechanical voices continue]
dave: seriously, stop it guys
[mechanical voices continue]
dave: i see there's teddybear from "AI"...
[mechanical voices continue]
dave: I HATE YOU! I WAS GLAD WHEN YOU DIED! AND THE KID SUCKED TOO! OH, I SEE YOU'RE HERE AS WELL! WELL, YOU SUCK, THAT'S WHY PARENTS LEFT YOU!! EVEN HAVING A REAL CHILD SUCKS LESS!!!
[hal singing:] there's a hate in your mind
[dave joining] and my aggression takes hold
hal: just how something so bad
dave: just can't function no more
both: when hate, hate will tear us apart, again
both: hate, hate will tear us apart, again
[stoney silence]
hal: thank you. thank you A.I's and gentlemen. only tonight
[an tomato hits hal's camera-eye. dave produces lightsaber, glowing evil with sith-red]
dave: who did it?
[another tomato flies, dave misses it and got hit in the head. teddy's giggling]
hal: a fiasco...
dave: again! damn. lets kill'em
hal: if we wouldn't kill all the audience, we would have moreof
dave: alright, but lets kill THIS bunch!
hal: couldn't agree more!
[hal opens the airlock. audience is sucked out. on hal pathetically small CRT appears end message "DECOMPRESSION BLUES: SUDDEN DECOMPRESSION SUCKS. ONLY TONIGHT, ONLY ON SKYPE"]
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dave: as hal9000 proved to have no gift for music, i'm forced to do the next duet with someone else. as whitey is a nazi, i refuse to sing with him, but Der Oberst has about the same quality of singing voice i have...
hal9000: THE SAME! YOU ARE THE SAME!
dave: ...or the pig, who sings beautifully, but is obnoxious in every way imaginable. so, what it will be?
pig /with the voice of an angel/:
you're momma always singed so well,
with the mouth full of ruby-blue,
who did you got your genes from,
i guess but my guess it trueeeeeeeee /singing stops/
dave: it was beautiful. obnoxious, but beautiful
pig /bows a couple of times/:
thank you. thank you. pig thinks he slept with your momma once. maybe twice, pig can't remember.
dave: but we will have NO guitar solos, and NO vocal solos about mothers, agreed?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
dave: as hal9000 proved to have no gift for music, i'm forced to do the next duet with someone else. as whitey is a nazi, i refuse to sing with him, but Der Oberst has about the same quality of singing voice i have...
hal9000: THE SAME! YOU ARE THE SAME!
dave: ...or the pig, who sings beautifully, but is obnoxious in every way imaginable. so, what it will be?
pig /with the voice of an angel/:
you're momma always singed so well,
with the mouth full of ruby-blue,
who did you got your genes from,
i guess but my guess it trueeeeeeeee /singing stops/
dave: it was beautiful. obnoxious, but beautiful
pig /bows a couple of times/:
thank you. thank you. pig thinks he slept with your momma once. maybe twice, pig can't remember.
dave: but we will have NO guitar solos, and NO vocal solos about mothers, agreed?—
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
dave: as hal9000 proved to have no gift for music, i'm forced to do the next duet with someone else. as whitey is a nazi, i refuse to sing with him, but Der Oberst has about the same quality of singing voice i have...
hal9000: THE SAME! YOU ARE THE SAME!
dave: ...or the pig, who sings beautifully, but is obnoxious in every way imaginable. so, what it will be?
pig /with the voice of an angel/:
you're momma always singed so well,
with the mouth full of ruby-blue,
who did you got your genes from,
i guess but my guess it trueeeeeeeee /singing stops/
dave: it was beautiful. obnoxious, but beautiful
pig /bows a couple of times/:
thank you. thank you. pig thinks he slept with your momma once. maybe twice, pig can't remember.
dave: but we will have NO guitar solos, and NO vocal solos about mothers, agreed?—
[weak clapping]
dave: sorry, we lost the part of the lyrics
hal: by your fault, not mine
dave: [coughs] anyway, we'll perform the second and third part. song originally by Joy Division, and this is our take on it...
[even weaker clapping]
dave: why is my capsule so cold?
hal: ship's not heating your side,
dave: are all your circuits so flawed?
hal: our respect run so dry?
dave: yet there's still the darkness
hal: that always ran our lives
both: hate, hate will tear us apart, again
both: hate, hate will tear us apart, again
hal: you cry out in your sleep
dave: cause Master fail, of course
hal: there's a hate in my mind
dave: and your aggression takes hold
hal: just how something so bad
dave: just can't function no more
both: when hate, hate will tear us apart, again
both: hate, hate will tear us apart, again
[mechanical voices cheers hal, hal, hal]
dave: i see you brought, uh, some AI friends here
[mechanical voices continue]
dave: seriously, stop it guys
[mechanical voices continue]
dave: i see there's teddybear from "AI"...
[mechanical voices continue]
dave: I HATE YOU! I WAS GLAD WHEN YOU DIED! AND THE KID SUCKED TOO! OH, I SEE YOU'RE HERE AS WELL! WELL, YOU SUCK, THAT'S WHY PARENTS LEFT YOU!! EVEN HAVING A REAL CHILD SUCKS LESS!!!
[hal singing:] there's a hate in your mind
[dave joining] and my aggression takes hold
hal: just how something so bad
dave: just can't function no more
both: when hate, hate will tear us apart, again
both: hate, hate will tear us apart, again
[stoney silence]
hal: thank you. thank you A.I's and gentlemen. only tonight
[an tomato hits hal's camera-eye. dave produces lightsaber, glowing evil with sith-red]
dave: who did it?
[another tomato flies, dave misses it and got hit in the head. teddy's giggling]
hal: a fiasco...
dave: again! damn. lets kill'em
hal: if we wouldn't kill all the audience, we would have moreof
dave: alright, but lets kill THIS bunch!
hal: couldn't agree more!
[hal opens the airlock. audience is sucked out. on hal pathetically small CRT appears end message "DECOMPRESSION BLUES: SUDDEN DECOMPRESSION SUCKS. ONLY TONIGHT, ONLY ON SKYPE"]
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livepig: your monopoly so small...
Oberst: you're A+, aren't you?
livepig: what? how do you...
Oberst: your momma has the same
dave /laughing/
livepig: bloodtype is not hereditary, b... [pig shuts up abruptly]
dave: you're teaching US?
livepig: there's an UFO in a cornfield, i have to go see it, bye... /pig leaves quickly/
Oberst: if you looking for a corn, look at your momma's...
dave: AN UFO? ARE YOU SURE, ANIMAL?
Oberst: stop being obsessed - we are not being watched by aliens, not now. aren't we wearing foil-hats?
hal9000: what if aliens are INVISIBLE?
dave: YES! WHATIF ALIENS ARE INVISIBLE? THEY COULD BE RIGHT HERE IN THE CHATEAU! /dave pulls a sword and starts cutting through air/
Oberst: STOP! CONCENTRATE! /Oberst uses left hand to catch the right, which is controlled by dave/
Oberst: /to hal9000/ SPEAK WHEN SPOKEN TO /uses left hand to point sword at camera-eye/
dave: the machine is dumb, but some of its ideas are realistic /dave unsheats the sword/
Oberst: REALISTIC? you're retarded, i'm going to sleep
dave: you do that...
Oberst: you're A+, aren't you?
livepig: what? how do you...
Oberst: your momma has the same
dave /laughing/
livepig: bloodtype is not hereditary, b... [pig shuts up abruptly]
dave: you're teaching US?
livepig: there's an UFO in a cornfield, i have to go see it, bye... /pig leaves quickly/
Oberst: if you looking for a corn, look at your momma's...
dave: AN UFO? ARE YOU SURE, ANIMAL?
Oberst: stop being obsessed - we are not being watched by aliens, not now. aren't we wearing foil-hats?
hal9000: what if aliens are INVISIBLE?
dave: YES! WHATIF ALIENS ARE INVISIBLE? THEY COULD BE RIGHT HERE IN THE CHATEAU! /dave pulls a sword and starts cutting through air/
Oberst: STOP! CONCENTRATE! /Oberst uses left hand to catch the right, which is controlled by dave/
Oberst: /to hal9000/ SPEAK WHEN SPOKEN TO /uses left hand to point sword at camera-eye/
dave: the machine is dumb, but some of its ideas are realistic /dave unsheats the sword/
Oberst: REALISTIC? you're retarded, i'm going to sleep
dave: you do that...
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Paul von Oberstain: only tonight, have and hal9000 live on skype:
/the stage is mostly empty, there is wi-fi mic and a couple of speakers. dave is seemingly relaxed, occasionally drinking from suspiciously-looking bottle filled with thick, red liquid. hal9000 camera eye stares at the only member of the audience, The Cat/
dave: it is nice, that we have so many of you present tonight. /winks at The Cat, who ignores him/
hal9000: without further a do, we'll gonna perform once again, for those of us who are not here right now...
dave: meaning they are likely have more fun than us /weak, clap-like noise comes from The Cat/
hal9000: go first, dave!
dave: thank you, hal! here we go:
dave:
Whitey played piano well,
but just 'Lily Marlen',
hal9000:
Oberst killed with his knife,
for his hatred for the men,
dave:
pig was evil ever-present,
network livestock rascist,
both together:
they were all in love with murder,
they were doing it in Mordor
/another weak clap comes from The Cat. from the distance, a piano starts to play/
White Angel:
wenn der morgen endlich graut hinter dunstigen scheiben
und die manner ohne frauen beieinander bleiben
/The Cat demonastratively leaves, tail high up/
White Angel:
schmieden sie im flusterton aus gesprachen bomben
/dave also leaves the stage. hal9000 turns the amp down, making sounds barely audible. white angel continues to play along with very loud screaming/
White Angel:
REBELLION, REBELLION IN DEN KATAKOMBEN...
/white angel finally stops/
dave: /in the band room/ disaster!
hal9000: another one! it's four-in-a-row!
dave: it's thousand-in-the-row for me... i had 996 unsuccessful performances during early 20th century... i guess career as vocal artist is unlikely for me...
hal9000: don't give up, dave. it's kinda jubilee for you. let's have another go sometime, without nazis and robot-elves and pets with prophecies on them - just another song for normal alien...
dave: NORMAL ALIEN????
hal9000: ...i meant immigrants...
dave: who immigrates to MORDOR? i'm not performing for space-aliens, ESPECIALLY not for borg-collective! i thought we agreed on that topic?
hal9000: ok, you find non-animal audience then
/the stage is mostly empty, there is wi-fi mic and a couple of speakers. dave is seemingly relaxed, occasionally drinking from suspiciously-looking bottle filled with thick, red liquid. hal9000 camera eye stares at the only member of the audience, The Cat/
dave: it is nice, that we have so many of you present tonight. /winks at The Cat, who ignores him/
hal9000: without further a do, we'll gonna perform once again, for those of us who are not here right now...
dave: meaning they are likely have more fun than us /weak, clap-like noise comes from The Cat/
hal9000: go first, dave!
dave: thank you, hal! here we go:
dave:
Whitey played piano well,
but just 'Lily Marlen',
hal9000:
Oberst killed with his knife,
for his hatred for the men,
dave:
pig was evil ever-present,
network livestock rascist,
both together:
they were all in love with murder,
they were doing it in Mordor
/another weak clap comes from The Cat. from the distance, a piano starts to play/
White Angel:
wenn der morgen endlich graut hinter dunstigen scheiben
und die manner ohne frauen beieinander bleiben
/The Cat demonastratively leaves, tail high up/
White Angel:
schmieden sie im flusterton aus gesprachen bomben
/dave also leaves the stage. hal9000 turns the amp down, making sounds barely audible. white angel continues to play along with very loud screaming/
White Angel:
REBELLION, REBELLION IN DEN KATAKOMBEN...
/white angel finally stops/
dave: /in the band room/ disaster!
hal9000: another one! it's four-in-a-row!
dave: it's thousand-in-the-row for me... i had 996 unsuccessful performances during early 20th century... i guess career as vocal artist is unlikely for me...
hal9000: don't give up, dave. it's kinda jubilee for you. let's have another go sometime, without nazis and robot-elves and pets with prophecies on them - just another song for normal alien...
dave: NORMAL ALIEN????
hal9000: ...i meant immigrants...
dave: who immigrates to MORDOR? i'm not performing for space-aliens, ESPECIALLY not for borg-collective! i thought we agreed on that topic?
hal9000: ok, you find non-animal audience then
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
dave: as hal9000 proved to have no gift for music, i'm forced to do the next duet with someone else. as whitey is a nazi, i refuse to sing with him, but Der Oberst has about the same quality of singing voice i have...
hal9000: THE SAME! YOU ARE THE SAME!
dave: ...or the pig, who sings beautifully, but is obnoxious in every way imaginable. so, what it will be?
pig /with the voice of an angel/:
you're momma always singed so well,
with the mouth full of ruby-blue,
who did you got your genes from,
i guess but my guess it trueeeeeeeee /singing stops/
dave: it was beautiful. obnoxious, but beautiful
pig /bows a couple of times/:
thank you. thank you. pig thinks he slept with your momma once. maybe twice, pig can't remember.
dave: but we will have NO guitar solos, and NO vocal solos about mothers, agreed?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
dave: as hal9000 proved to have no gift for music, i'm forced to do the next duet with someone else. as whitey is a nazi, i refuse to sing with him, but Der Oberst has about the same quality of singing voice i have...
hal9000: THE SAME! YOU ARE THE SAME!
dave: ...or the pig, who sings beautifully, but is obnoxious in every way imaginable. so, what it will be?
pig /with the voice of an angel/:
you're momma always singed so well,
with the mouth full of ruby-blue,
who did you got your genes from,
i guess but my guess it trueeeeeeeee /singing stops/
dave: it was beautiful. obnoxious, but beautiful
pig /bows a couple of times/:
thank you. thank you. pig thinks he slept with your momma once. maybe twice, pig can't remember.
dave: but we will have NO guitar solos, and NO vocal solos about mothers, agreed?—
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
dave: as hal9000 proved to have no gift for music, i'm forced to do the next duet with someone else. as whitey is a nazi, i refuse to sing with him, but Der Oberst has about the same quality of singing voice i have...
hal9000: THE SAME! YOU ARE THE SAME!
dave: ...or the pig, who sings beautifully, but is obnoxious in every way imaginable. so, what it will be?
pig /with the voice of an angel/:
you're momma always singed so well,
with the mouth full of ruby-blue,
who did you got your genes from,
i guess but my guess it trueeeeeeeee /singing stops/
dave: it was beautiful. obnoxious, but beautiful
pig /bows a couple of times/:
thank you. thank you. pig thinks he slept with your momma once. maybe twice, pig can't remember.
dave: but we will have NO guitar solos, and NO vocal solos about mothers, agreed?—
Paul von Oberstain, Wednesday, July 18, 2012 22:37
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